Maybe sometimes we have to just get down on our hands and knees and surrender to alcohol. The addiction is at the core of the relationship, there is no husband, boyfriend, lover, buddy, it's addiction, and only addiction we are dealing with.
There is no counselor, program, child, wife, pet, that can cut through it. Addiction has no bottom, there is no bottom for this man to reach, because no boundries or actions are pushing at his addcition, nothing has changed, all that happens is that he finds different and more colorful words to throw the enemy off balance.
If he says he wants to get healthy, then why isn't he??? Because he does not have to and he doesn't want to. I was afraid of my axbf's choice, because I knew it wasn't going to be me, I learned not to take that personally, because it wasn't personal, the real choice was made by his addicted brain.
Once i surrendered, I began to heal, every contact, every hurt, every relapse I had in contact only caused me to get closer to surrender. Surrendering was very painful, losing the war was devastating, there is no possibility of finding out what else there is out there in the world for us until we stick our toe out the door. I had to give up my addcition before I could start rebuilding my life.
I am powerless against that monster, if I don't have any power in my relationships, I will die.