When I first joined these boards, I vented about how I couldn't fix my AH, how frustrating it was that he didn't want to be fixed, and how sad I was that he wasn't interesting in fixing his alcoholism. Every one of my posts was essentially a request that the board brainstorm methods of fixing my AH with me, and I ignored or got really angry with folks who suggested that I mind my own business and remember CCC.
Then someone pointed out that I can't control the man, and my emotional and physical stonewalling, making him act on this or that, and criticizing his methods of recovery or lack thereof, was the C in Control, that thing we just can't do, for the A's sake or our own. Especially our own. I was spending as much time and energy as I could trying to wrestle his alcoholism into the dirt and make it go to sleep, and that's just not how it works. Perhaps it's time to talk to an individual counselor about your need for control and use of passive-aggression -- this is what I work on with my counselor and it's making a huge difference. I see the same perceived helplessness here and your reluctance to move. I get it. Then again, like other folks said, you don't have to pick up the rope. But remember that not picking up the rope, and then declaring to him directly or passively that you are not going to pick up that rope, damn it! is basically picking up the rope, too.