Originally Posted by
lizatola 
Mike, at first I didn't agree here but I realize that you're probably right. He's always thought that everyone else needs to change to fit his mold. He also made it very clear to the MT that he thinks all humans are stupid and that he is better than everyone else. The MT challenged him on it, but AH stuck to his guns and seriously believes that people just don't get it. He probably thinks that HE IS the healthy one and that everyone else has the problem!
So, the question still remains: if I give up my defending myself against his verbal attacks, if I give up my desire to be right, and if I strive for happiness; will I still be able to stay married to someone like this with or without alcohol? He is so threatened by all thebpositive stuff I am doing, too, and he's constantly attacking me about it. Makes recovery even tougher for me because I defend my Al Anon meetings and sponsors, etc.
((((hugs))))
Sorry Liz, I don't have any experience to share as I didn't start Alanon and begin recovery until after I had left.
One thing I have learned in my recovery is the 3 A's.
Awareness, Acceptance, Action
They don't have to happen all at once. I can be aware that something is happening but that doesn't mean I am ready to accept what is happening and all of its consequences, and I am using acceptance in the recovery way here. To me is simply means accepting the reality of the situation as it it, it doesn't mean approval or agreement.
Also, just because I have accepted the situation doesn't mean I am read to act on it. A favorite Buddhist saying of mine is when in doubt, wait. I found it is not only OK but it is usually the smartest thing to do at the time because if I am not sure I am just reacting to what is going on around me and repeating my old habits.
I know when I am doing the next right thing because it simply feels right. It doesn't always feel good or safe but it does feel right.
Your friend,