I realize this and when I spoke it in the therapist's office I stated that I wanted him to get mentally and emotionally healthy for himself and asked him if he wanted that. He does, but it was pretty obvious by his body language and his attitude that he doesn't really think that's possible nor does he want to try.
Liz, just a different perspective. Maybe he doesn't think he needs to change? In his mind he may well consider himself to be mentally and emotionally healthy. Therefore he sees what you consider to be valid request as attacks and more dominance games.
It's not just us codies who have denial issues.
Your friend,