Originally Posted by
Learn2Live 
This is a really tall order. This is a lifelong process that one has to want to accomplish for themself. You can't just order this kind of personal work on someone, or even request it. A person's life is their own life, and honestly, it does not sound like you and your spouse have the same values.
IDK why you are expecting any "I told you so"s from anyone here. I don't think anyone here wants to tell anyone else how to live their life, just like you don't want to have to tell your spouse how to live his. We just don't want to see you wasting anymore of your one precious life with this guy who so obviously does not care. How much more drama, arguing, and crying are you willing to put yourself through?
I realize this and when I spoke it in the therapist's office I stated that I wanted him to get mentally and emotionally healthy for himself and asked him if he wanted that. He does, but it was pretty obvious by his body language and his attitude that he doesn't really think that's possible nor does he want to try.
Oh, and the reason I expected I told you so's(not that anyone would) but it was the first thing that popped into my head because many of us here know that marriage counseling with someone in active addiction doesn't work. Everyone here told me (and others) that it doesn't work.
Yet, Trilogy pretty much summed it up for me: I feel I have to try EVERYTHING so that I can say that I tried EVERYTHING. It also gives me a very good perspective of how sick my AH's mind is. You know, I brought up the rapist comment thing and he still is sticking by it. He said, "You don't know what it's like to be a man. We walk around thinking we're going to get accused of rape all the time." I looked at him and said, "I'm your wife. What in the hell do you think I do? Sit around looking for ways to get you thrown in jail?" To which he replied, "All you gotta do is call a lawyer in the AM and I'm screwed." UGH, I should have known better than to even bring that one up. The MT just sat there and was shaking his head because my AH kept going off about lawyers for about 5 minutes which, AGAIN, got us off topic. Sometimes I wish we could record our sessions and I could put it up on youtube, just for entertainment value because if you weren't married to him, you'd actually find him quite entertaining in his paranoia.