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Old 09-06-2012, 08:31 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Eight Ball
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
You both want different things - your AH wants to drink and you want a relationship with someone who can operate sober. Its a battle.

Life for me was a battle with my AH of 24yrs.

My AH ended up telling me that he wanted to drink and he was going to drink for the rest of his life and if I didnt like it, I could leave.

This really was a blessing as I now had a choice. To continue to remain married to him, which meant that I had to learn to live with his drinking and ignore it, for my own sanity and peace OR I could leave.

I did try to 'live with it' for a while, hoping that I could, so that I could remain married to the man I loved (80% of the time), and keep my family intact. I attended Al-anon and listened to a few ladies who had continued to live with their active alcoholics and appeared to have found calm and serenity.

I personally couldnt find calm or serenity. I was still stressed, filled with anxiety on my way home, treading on eggshells and the woman who had found serenity at Al-anon did so, by leading their own busy, active lives. I too, got a busy, active social life of my own but I needed to have a relationship with someone who was loving, caring, thoughtful etc and I knew I deserved that.

Following 18 months of SR and Al-anon, 12 months of therapy, I eventually waved the white flag and surrendered. I told my AH that if he wanted to drink for the rest of his life, it was his life and if thats what he choose to do, that was fine, but his choice didnt mean that I had to choose the same thing and live my life with an active drinker.

I told him I was leaving and did about 6 weeks later, when I managed to find a rental home of my own. I have never regretted leaving, its hands down the best thing that I have ever done (much better than marriage councelling).

If your AH was to tell you lizatola that 'he was going to drink for the rest of his life and if you dont like it you can leave' - what would you do? Like it or leave?

AH's can go all round the town and houses with marriage councelling, telling you want you want to hear, arguing etc but at the end of the day what they are really communicating by continuing doing - is to keep drinking.
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