"No one will ever love you as much as I do"
"I believe in my heart I'm the best thing for you"
"It's 5:00 and I've only had one beer today"
"Will there be beer at this 80th birthday party? I'll bring my own just in case"
At his son's engagement party, "What? Canned beer? They should all know the father of the groom only drinks bottled beer. This is bullsh**! How dare they not know this and consider what it is I needed to have to drink. Somebody needs to go out and get me a 6 pack"
"I wanted to start a business with you but because of other people who it didn't work out with before me, you won't do it. It's all your fault I can't start one now."
When we did finally do something together where we split the costs, the profits, worked together, etc and I stated this as an example of doing it with him. "Oh no. I didn't have any communication with the vendor, didn't know who we were dealing with. You started the whole thing with him. This was your thing, this wasn't a partnership."
"I need a partner. You don't have the first clue on how to be there for someone, how to communicate and work together"
"We'll have sex when I say so. Last I knew I was the one with the penis"
Then there's all the loving comments:
"If you went on the Jerry Springer show you'd have to pull your top down instead of up to get your beads because...well you know..you are kind of thick in the middle"
"When you dance you got a lot shaking in that trunk. The whole place shakes"
"I love looking at you without my glasses on because you are all dreamy looking. When I put them on I can see every little pore in your face. It's like high-def"
"Baby, come snuggle with me and put those tight abs up against my back"
Okay...that's enough of that.....