Originally Posted by
ashbyee 
I am shocked at what an opportunist my beast is... It is really starting to irratate me. I am so "aware" of how my thinking has been manipulated- if you will -by this "thing."
This is recovery shock. AVRT makes the lights go on, and suddenly, you can see the rogue mentality that has been influencing your life. It will pass.
Originally Posted by
ashbyee I am not sure I can articulate this- but, I am just AWARE of everything I am thinking..... Does that make sense?
It makes perfect sense, and this is precisely what we do with AVRT. We observe our own thoughts as they come to us.
Originally Posted by
ashbyee Is it more thoughtful to try and not be so aware of every thought- as it seems I am now waiting for beast activity so I can attack it or is that really beast activity in disguise?
I feel like I have been given a loaded gun and am ready for the fight of my life.
There is no need to attack your Beast, or to fight with it. AVRT is always passive, since the Beast always makes the first move, and we don't need to "be careful" or "on guard" lest the big bad Beast gets us, either. Once you've made a Big Plan, your job it to sit back and simply watch your own thoughts and feelings, recognizing any that support or suggest the possible future use of alcohol/drugs as the Addictive Voice. This is not difficult to do, since thoughts of using are conspicuous, but it will become easier still over time. When the AV pipes up, don't play tug-of-war with the Beast. Instead, just drop the rope.