Wow guys thanks for responding so quickly. I really appreciate it!
What I meant in regards to the fighting and yelling is that although we fight about normal stuff, and he can get angry and frustrated quickly, he is not one to be nasty to me for no reason. Not to justify his behavior, just being honest that although his bad moods and negativity are difficult, he's not verbally abusive toward me. It's more of an annoyance, really, because I never know when he's going to be in a bad mood or what will set him off. And I've never been the type of person to walk on egg shells and I'm not going to start now! I pick and choose my battles, and I'm pretty patient and reasonable, but I don't like to sugar coat things and I'm always honest about how I feel. Hence these things coming up after only 3 months.
Not going to lie, the fast moving part has scared me as well, but I feel I'm partially to blame. I've known him for a while and felt very comfortable with him, and just got out of a 3 year relationship myself only 6 months before we started hanging out (and I lived with my ex for over a year). So I think I also may have rushed things because being committed is more comfortable for me than the initial dating phase. None the less, I wish we would have started slower and worked on some of these things before getting in so deep. I'm not sure if that has something to do with where we are now. I don't want him to go from one addiction to the next (me). I also want to make sure he's with me because he cares about me as a person, not just the idea of having me around. (But no, he has not used the "angel" line haha).
I am VERY disappointed that he is so against counseling right now. I think it could really help and he claims he will do anything to make this better and to prevent losing me. We'll see. And he does go to meetings a couple times a week, but I was just thinking today (after reading some other forums) "Is he just going to go, or because he thinks that's enough, or does he actually use the tools he's being taught?" Maybe he thinks 4 years sober is good enough and he doesn't need to try anymore?? I'd like to bring this up to him soon. I was also going to suggest going to a meeting myself to learn more about what he's gone/going through. It's easy for me to say "change this, fix that" but I don't know what it's like and I could stand to gain some more insight on the issue.
At the end of it all, maybe I am trying too hard. Maybe I am looking at his potential or what I want him to be. Maybe I need to focus on being a gf and not a therapist (which I am not trained to do). I also don't want to lose myself in the process; that's one of my biggest fears. I just really care about him and, although it may sound foolish and I may risk getting hurt, I don't want to give up yet. I want to see what this relationship could be if he tries a little harder. I guess I need to take it day by day for now and see what happens. I'm not ready to make any decisions right now, and he knows I'm struggling with this, so we've taken some space from each other since last week to think and clear our heads a bit.
Thanks again for the comments everyone and please keep them coming