Many thoughts as I read this, primarily because I am in the process of setting up life after a huge move.
I left job, friends, an area that I loved, to move across country to be nearer to my daughter and grandson. Worthy goal. No job and I am in a trailer in a friend's driveway. I am working towards my goal of sharing a home with my daughter and grandson, but I'm not there yet.
But I also know it was a move I HAD to make. I was having a lot of discomfort with my last job situation. Not to the degree you experienced, but in some similar ways and extremely upsetting for me. I didn't fit.
Meaning this. If a person swings a fist, heck if ten people swing their fists, but there is no one standing there to take the punch. No big deal.
But I was standing there taking the punches. I could see that swinging was the way SOME people there chose to operate, and it worked for them. I got adept at ducking the punches, but I got real tired of it, and sometimes I got caught off guard, and got hit pretty hard.
When people understand their lives as boxing rings, competitions and the only way to "win" is to knock someone else out, their manner of relating is going to be to swing and punch.
So I got out of the ring and left them to it. See, it wasn't about ME. They weren't purposely focusing on Me. That is just who they are, fighters.
I'm more of a cooperator, a rower, a team player. That's my style. So I picked up and moved where I could cooperate with my daughter in building the sort of home and life that we can thrive in.
What does your gut tell you? Where is your heart? What things in life bring you the most satisfaction and peace?
Those are the questions I ask myself every morning. I synchronize my actions with those "settings" and know I am headed where I want to be.