Thank you for your kind words. I think I do know what I need to do for myself and my kids. Butt I guess after 13 yrs and 3 kids I was looking for maybe a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for our marriage. But I don't think there is going to be one. I know I'm putting the carriage before the horse when I sit and think about my future and coming home. But what I really want is to be clean and be alone for along time with me and my kids. I want to be independent (I've never been) . I don't want to be dependant anymore I want to live for me think for me and be me. I don't want to help him hope for him and do for him. I have moments though where I think wow I'm so selfish how could I get better and just abandon him if he does quit he will need my support he is going to try to support me am I being high and mighty by deciding I want to quit and part of that means I want to also quit my marriage? Its so hard.