Moving to New City
I'm moving to a new city and I'm feeling a lot of mixed feelings. I love my apartment, my job, my boyfriend, my friends, my family, and this town.
On the other hand, the emotional abuse I've been enduring from my bosses at work has worn me down physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I'm a scapegoat at my workplace - everything is blamed on me, and I'm treated like an underling and disrespected, both to my face and behind my back, according to colleagues, and denied opportunities for professional growth that are afforded to others. I've been worked to the point where I needed to go to the hospital from overexposure to the sun and the heat, while my colleagues sit in the shade or leave to go home.
On my last day at work, my colleagues either didn't show up for my going-away luncheon, or left right afterward, leaving me to close up shop, clean up and move boxes of materials to storage all by myself. This happens frequently. The fact that it was my last day was just icing on the cake.
I know it's my fault, to an extent. While in active alcoholism, I allowed myself to get used in exchange for overlooking my alcoholism. Now that I'm sober, however, I can't tolerate this treatment.
Although, in the past, I met with my bosses to try to come to some kind of mutual agreement, at the end of the day, nothing ever changed. I was met with either lies (promises of change), which never came to fruition, or rage (threats, hostile denial of my requests, and accusations that I was lying or being defensive).
At last, I was offered a position lucrative enough to lure me away from my dream job to a nearby city. Although the pay is not significantly better, the security of the position is excellent, and best yet, my nights and weekends will be free. I can now pursue a masters in the field I love, as well as my other personal interests in performing, volunteering, networking and meeting people. Most importantly, recovery will come into focus for me: I can attend a meeting each day and finally finish step 4 once I get through this transition.
At the same time, I'm now leaving my apartment, which I adore, my job, which I love and had hoped would someday improve, my boyfriend, my friends and my family ... My sponsor and my AA friends can still be reached by phone for stepwork and support and I'll come down every other week or so to meet with my sponsor and see my boyfriend and family.
Still, that's a lot of gas and my car is on its last legs. I worry I won't make it down very often. I worry about feeling lost.
There are a ton of goals and dreams on my plate ... but all I really want is family and serenity.
I'm trying to see this as an opportunity to focus on recovery and building myself back up after a traumatic experience. My sponsor tells me this is the way to look at it. I struggle with feeling sad about it, though, as though I am grieving.