Thanks, Obladi.
I think your AV just needs one thing; everything else is just a means to that end.
I am divorced, and not an ideal source of relationship advice. But the biggest lesson I took away was the importance of keeping communication lines open, so all the little things aren't allowed to add up to one big thing. Your addiction wants you to bottle it up, keep you feeling isolated, you know?
I love my SO with all of my heart
Keeping that in mind should make the discussion of worries and frustrations a lot easier for both of you.
I don't think I've ever heard of a relationship that was improved by alcohol over the long run.