Alcoholic is a terrific term for when we leave someone. We can just tell everybody that, when the truth is more complicated--including that little fact eating away at ourselves--well we did PICK THEM.
Thanks everyone for this thread--especially Dandylion and La Tee Da's remarks.
I chose a man much like Liz's. I picked him. Then when I left him, in due part to the active alcoholism but not only why, I simply told everybody his faults, a laundry list of them, alcoholism at the top.
Something left me uneasy in all that airing of his dirty laundry though. Something felt unfulfilled in that act also. The whole truth included that knawing little fact that I picked him, and WHY.
He was wounded, I thought, but didn't yet know how, or understand it. He was pampering me, he was going to take care of me, and take care of money, etc. I married him with that little girl fairytale, yet I was immature, because I was a fully grown woman almost 40.
It is another immature act to sit smugly behind the fact that our partner was/is an alcoholic, and blast this fact to the world when we leave them. It sure takes the focus off why we picked them.
It is another immature act to have to seek out the validation from professionals, or anywhere we seek it out.
That validation to move on in our lives, to divorce or leave someone, really needs to come solely from within, and simply be--well I changed my mind, I picked him, and now I want to UNPICK him.
We shouldn't hide behind the validation of anyone, professional or not, or any establishment, religion or otherwise.
That's part of being an adult. We make our decisions, and the only validation necessary needs to come from within our own grown-up minds. All other validations are hiding behind something, namely NEEDING SOMEONE ELSE'S validation or APPROVAL, AND JUDGMENT.
Doing that--seeking validation elsewhere, robs ourselves of our adulthood, and that our own reasons aren't enough--we need other's approval.
This has been truly an enlightening thread for me to read.