Wow... I missed all this discussion yesterday... so I'm a bit late to the conversation... however...
Liz, what you are describing from your MC session is EXACTLY what my XAH and I went through a year ago. I was PISSED off at what the MC had to say b/c she said the same thing, "Well, you PICKED him!" What happened next was a TYPICAL co-dependent relationship response... My XAH took it to me that I was WRONG, that I knew going in that he was an alcoholic and therefore, I bought the farm "as-is" so I should sit down and shut up. Me... being a co-dependent, took it the same way - I felt like I had to figure out a way to suck up and deal.
OH... but not so fast!!!
That's not what she meant... what she was intended was to show ME that I had choices. Yup, I made a bad choice by picking him - but I could always change my mind and make different choices. I remember vividly telling her, "I feel so powerless in all of this. I'm stuck at the mercy of the waves that keep pounding me!" Her response was, "You're not powerless and it's my job to get you to SEE that you have the power to control... and to make sure you know what you CAN and CAN'T control!!!!"
As many have point out, we went into our MC in a dead-locked power struggle. Her tough, dead on approach hurt initially because she laid it out what we BOTH were doing wrong. The good news is that it opened MY eyes... the bad news is that my XAH was no where near ready for recovery or therapy... or accepting even an iota of responsibility... so... we quit MC. I focused on taking care of and healing myself... and my XAH... well, life continues to spin around and around on the same old track.
I would not put much weight on anything that came out of you AH's mouth during counseling. To me, it's all part of alcoholic manipulation to keep you in the dance. My XAH used to throw out all sorts of "bait" about how I was "the greatest thing that ever happened to him", "I was his grace", "I was so much stronger and healthier."... blah-blah-blah. It fed my ego and kept me stuck. When I plugged my ears and used my eyes... everything looked soooo much clearer. He said he valued me... but his actions said I was worthless to him.
Just my 2 cents!
Shannon