Liz, do you think it is fair to go to a therapist under the guise of wanting to work on your marriage, all the while, consciously having a hidden agenda of otherwise?
Striving for personal honestly is a fundamental in AA, and in alanon. as far as I can tell. Alcoholism as well as co-dependency causes us to live in denial and to "lie" to ourselves in order to protect our particular addictions and to preserve the status quo.
Liz, don't you think you owe it to the therapist and yourself to be honest with him and just shoot from the hip?
dandylion