Hi Meg
I can remember wishing I was normal and not wanting to even think the word alcoholic too...and yet I couldn't stop drinking...and once I'd gotten away with drinking at work once, or drinking first thing, or maintaining that buzz all day, I did it again and again and again...(and I didn't think anyone knew? they did, I'm afraid)
It gets worse, a lot worse Meg - whether we accept the term Alcoholic or not, all of us who drink like this really need to stop drinking.
We need to get help and we need to make changes to our lives.
Do what you need to to stop the slide now...the earlier the better and the less difficult it will be.
You'll find a lot of support here too - you're not alone
welcome
D