lizatola

So glad I didn't go to marriage counseling(MC) with any crazy expectations. I got what I wanted. We're so incompatible at this point and don't see eye to eye on anything.

The MT(marriage therapist) wanted us to focus just on the drinking issue. He is a recovering alcoholic but told me to specify what behaviors I needed to see to prove to me that my AH wasn't drinking. He wanted me to put, in writing, what I want AH to do weekly to prove to me that he's trustworthy regarding the drinking and even told me to buy drug testing kits. UGH! My AH pulled the old, "I'll do whatever she wants."

I know that will all come with major resentment. He claims he's not drinking anymore. Well, that may be but he was drinking just back in July and he calls that a little slip. And, gave the excuse that he had to go to jail and life was stressful, quack, quack, quack. I asked him this question, "J, if son and I weren't in the picture, would drinking be a part of your life?" To which he answered, "Hey I like a beer every once in a while. I wish I didn't, but I do. Sue me." So, that answered my question. He wants to still drink(which I knew but wanted to hear from him) and yet he wants to stay married.

He was argumentative at every turn, argued with the therapist about something they talked about when they met 2 weeks ago. He was defensive, pulled out all the stops, and it was so damn hard for me to NOT lash back at him. I wound up getting sucked in a few times but did my best to maintain my dignity and gather my thoughts and agreed when I felt he was right. He's really harboring a ton of resentment about the no sex thing and about the fact that I tried to control his drinking.

Honestly, I don't agree with the therapist. Even if AH meets my requirements, he'd just be doing it to check off the boxes. That's not fair to him, so I think the best answer I have at this point is to try a physical separation. I am meeting with this therapist alone to discuss this with him on Thursday because I'm not sure we should even be living in the same house together at this point. AH is hiding in his office at this point. He had reference to the fact that I flit about the house all happy these days and that I'm getting too much validation from my therapist who thinks I should leave him. Geez, heaven forbid I be happy and enjoy my life. I told him he could join me and he immediately shot back, "NO, NO, I can't. You're just...just..." and, he never finished his statement. Absolute insanity folks!