Meagan,
I see myself a few years back in the words you have so bravely shared, right down to the Thursday office outings. I agree you should see a doctor for help with this. I also agree you should call your sponsor and reach out to your AA group. You are not a piece of garbage, merely a human who has lost her way. There is lots of support and information to be found here and the chat room is always open, looking forwad to meeting you there again. (big hug)