Originally Posted by
MadeOfGlass 
I see where you are coming from Liz. You aren't ready to leave this relationship, and that's ok. The pain of staying has not become larger than the pain of leaving.
That said, I also think you are searching these boards for the enlightenment that will one day lead you to walk out that door.
Congrats on seeking your own growth.
When my xah was watching doomsday preppers all the time, bought the stuff for and created a "bug out" bag, and was stock piling guns AS WELL AS drinking everyday, I decided the environment was too unsafe for me.
Oh my gosh, MadeofGlass, were we married to the same guy? My AH became increasingly obsessed with reading armageddon-themed novels, assembled "bug out" bags too, and became quite the gun collector. He even stockpiled vodka, supposedly for the bug-out bags, stating that "vodka can be used for disinfecting wounds and for trade if our money system should fail." (Um, yeah, whatever!)
The interesting part is that armageddon DID happen to my AH. Just not in the way he'd envisioned. His bug-out bags, guns and disinfecting vodka went with him to his very own survival hut --- his condo --- and now he has to face our evil zombie lawyers as I swoop in to 'steal' half his assets, poor baby!
Sorry to derail the OP. Liza, I dealt with a lot of paranoia with my AH and I guess it's part of the addiction. Their brains are just not working properly, and sometimes I think all the paranoid thoughts are just a smokescreen designed to distract us from the real issue. Peace to you as you figure out a way to live with your situation.