Thanks for all the replies. I think deep down I always knew that I couldn't drink. I am just admitting it to myself now. Its hard, I am happy to have found somewhere to come for support. My husband is a drinker, although not as bad as me. It makes it hard to not want to drink when he does. I've quit before, and I am determined to be done with that chapter of my life. I wanna be healthy and happy.