Liz, I know you think you are accepting this, but what I haven't heard in any of your posts in a true sense of acceptance with action for your life and that of your child. If there was that - you wouldn't be posting about this strangeness; it would be another eye roll and on with the day today. He isn't reeling from you not going on the trip. He is being a classic alcoholic and this is just another page in that book.
I also know I am being hard on you - its not because I am a harsh person, but because you strike me as a beautiful, intelligent young woman with a lot to offer who has her butt firmly planted on the seat of the crazy train ride and still wondering why her husband is acting in context of alcoholism.
There is a life out there that doesn't include this, if you want it. It is waiting for you. One that is filled with serenity and peace, one where your home is safe, your child is healthy and grounded in a loving and stable environment, where people keep their word and are present in the moment.
But as long as you choose this life, it will be exactly as it is, unless he makes a choice to stop drinking and start working a program, which he has not yet, nor has he acknowledged there is even a problem with his drinking. This does not bode well for a future with this man.
Aside from all the reasons you have listed in previous threads - what is it really that keeps you attached to this relationship with an alcoholic? And this is rhetorical - the answer doesn't matter to anyone but you. For me, it was fear. I stayed much longer than I should have because I was afraid of the unknown. I put up with some pretty bad behavior to me, and in front of my kids, because I was afraid. When I finally addressed that fear (with a very good therapist) and faced it head on, I was able to get unstuck. When I finally accepted my ex was acting in context to alcoholism, sober or not, I was able to get unstuck. When I finally stopped trying to understand and apply my own logic and reason to his behavior, I was able to get unstuck.
Life is completely different now, and none of my fears have become reality yet.
My kids are thriving again, my life is peaceful and quiet, I am enjoying it all again; the stressors that came with the uncertainty of alcoholism is gone, I am healthy and grounded in who I am and proud of myself today. It has been one of the hardest things I have had to do - change my own mind and perspectives - let go of my own stinkin thinkin...
But I am glad I made myself stand up and step off that crazy train ride. Best damn decision I've made in my life so far...
Take what works and all that jazz...
~T