She is hoping to save our marriage, with the usual expectation that I forgive and forget the incredible amount of pain, foolish behavior, and infidelity (which she denies to the bitter end) that destroyed our marriage. The funny thing is, I'm attracted to her in this sweet and sober state and apparently I have amnesia as far as our many "trust issues". What the heck is wrong with me? Is this love or raging codependence?
If she denies her part of the demise of your marriage then she isn't in any sort of recovery. What the 12 Steps show us is that we're responsible for all our actions and words and also making amends. The onus is on her earning your respect by taking different action. AA's Big Book says "alcohol is but a symptom of our problem........." It takes a great deal of hard work and time to change. I suggest giving her at least a year to see if she'll change but don't be surprised if she relapses.
What's good is that you understand your feelings are part of codependency. For us, denial plays as big a part in our thinking as it does for alcoholics. Ask yourself: is it love or need?