Hi Djayr,
I too have been in your shoes and know EXACTLY what you are feeling. If wishes were horses we would all be riding today.
I spent 4 years with my XA codie helicoptering his recovery and under my expert management he would manage to get as long as one year of sobriety. However, now I realize that it REQUIRED my constant vigilance and best detective skills that in my mind would no longer be necessary once he "arrived" at that place where he would personally would be a rock of recovery.
I was the sober police or I was the clean up squad mopping up the messes he made of our lives. Drink, detox, rehab, sobriety, occasional real recovery, relapse... throw in a jail cell, hospital visit or dui to spice it up on occasion... rinse and repeat ad nauseum.
The last stint he was a poster child for recovery and had been seperated for 8 months and we moved back into together into his dream home (mine was on the coast and his was in the center of huge golf community) and 10 days later he relapsed and ended up in Vegas for a 3 month binge.
That was the final deal breaker for me. He WAS sober again for 3 months after ANOTHER rehab and has been working it HARD to get me to take him back. I just saw him for the first time in 6 months and my brain chemicals and hormones still light up like a Christmas tree but I did not GO THERE despite his best efforts and tears.
I told him that when he got his 1 year chip verified by sponsors I would attend the AA meeting wherever it was in the country.
We had to conclude some business and sign some contracts and that gave his some cash from my account to his. He drove off into the sunset and didn't make it 500 miles and he was in a casino and shocker of all shockers is drinking and gambling!
It's what they do. They drink. We are so surprised when they don't stop... but the vast majority don't. They don't want to. He will never give it up. He can stop. She can stop. Stopping is NOT the problem. It's staying stopped. They don't want to.
It's simple. It took me 4 years, 50 gallons of tears, lots of pain and anxiety, tens of thousands of dollars, 100's of hours of therapy, reading on this website and books.
So simple. They drink. We hate it. It destroys everything. They don't want to stop. We don't want to leave. So we stay and suffer until it erodes and destroys us and we have to finally break through our own denial.
My ex? Oh... He got a DUI leaving the casino. He called to tell me he LOOOOOOOVES me and other quacks. And can I send him money?????
Blocked his new drunk friend's cell phone number.
Going to go play golf now. Good luck to you in your journey. Keep your distance and watch from afar and create a new life for yourself as you watch the one you love as ACTION and not words are what counts. Time will tell... we should do one of those grids like they do in a football pool. At least one of us would make some money on our A's promises of sobriety and recovery!