Originally Posted by Weasel1966

Got to see all the good people of the world driving to work this morning. In their shiny cars. Smiling faces. Little stickers of them and their kids on the back of their vehicles.... Even the damn dog had a sticker.

I am angry at myself today.... Because for all my years I have nothing. I spent the best part of the years, where everyone else builds something, tearing what little I started with to shreds.

Yesterday I posted I can fix this.... I go from day to day on this damn see-saw.

I am on day 4 again.

I started in earnest trying to remain abstinent in April .... Well.... Maybe that's a lie. I thought I did. It's probably only a month or more. I did not know what it meant to try. Saying it.... Maybe going a day or two.

I learned with last weeks slip on Sunday what trying means. It means saying no.

I get frustrated and angry during the time leading up to having to say no. But I have said it. Meant it. Got past it. And the feeling on the other side is wonderful.

Yet I keep forgetting that feeling.

So I guess I have to keep saying no to get it.

I wobbled again last night. I said no... And so did my partner. Loud and clear. Excited for the weekends plans..... But....

I am angry this morning that I let it all come to this.

I feel better venting....

But that positive person that posted yesterday is in here somewhere.

I know.... Let it go..... I will....

I have to much work to do today to spend time being angry. And when I have a moment to look up it will have passed.

But I want what I want out of life.... I want to be one of those shiny happy people.... He'll .... I will take a dull meadeocure one at this point.

Just not a drunk.