Originally Posted by
Dee74 
Welcome back Paul.
I think I started to get somewhere when I realised that no matter whether I was drinking all day everyday, or managing to drink a glass or two to take the edge off I was still in the same cycle.
We need to make changes - real changes - to get out of the cycle.
Talking things through is great - and you're very open - thats good too...
but I think to get anywhere we need to add some action to that too.
There's a lot of good advice here. Seeing your Dr would be better than drinking again to feel better...I also hope you'll consider other methods of support and recovery besides SR as well....whether it's a recovery group, counselling or some kind of lifestyle changes.
You've been battling this for a while now.
Stack the deck for the outcome you know which is best for you.
The way to beat your ambivalence is to decide, once and for all, which side of the fence you're on... if you can't quite decide right now, act as if you have
D
I'm just to young, dumb, stubborn, and arrogant right now. I know I'm not going to counseling just yet, or to AA meetings. I might set an appointment up with my doc because I think that I can get away with that. Sad part is I'm planning on lying to my parents and my gf that I'm going to just get a regular physical. I do not want them knowing at all. And it's really bad, but I don't want them knowing because I don't want them stopping me if I want a drink because I know what kind of drama that would cause. I do not want my girlfriend telling me that I can't drink or my parents telling me I'm not allowed to drink or that I shouldn't, or praying for me every morning, etc. I just want them out of it. I don't know how else to say it.
I know that if they knew my problem, they would do anything for me and help me out as much as possible. But they are just too much for me to handle. And I know that's not the worst problem to have in the world, but if you want a drink and someone is telling you, you can't... it creates a lot of a stress and I just don't want that. Even after this month of failure I still want to do it on my own with the help of this forum. One of my goals when I first got here was to get out of my room and start living life again. I contacted everyone of my old friends, I have a social life now, went camping and couple road trips, go to any store at any time, I can go to restaurants and just get two beers so I can drive home... went hiking in about 5 different spots.
I have been busy, I have really felt good about life but I just felt that little monkey creeping back up. I missed church this last sunday because I didn't want to wake up from drinking too much wine, I bought that alcohol in the day... I knew the second that started happening again that I needed to come back here and stop it in it's tracks. I still haven't actually started, but I just want these conversations back. What you guys say and the encouragement, advice, and stories is just awesome. It is a constant reminder that you can do it each and every day.
Anyways, thanks for being there. I hope I do not sound like I'm not listening to your advice and I think I know better. I don't, I'm just explaining what my gut is telling me.