Dear djayr, have you thought of throwing yourself into a program of your own recovery and self-exploration? A nice "side-effect" would be to keep your focus off your wife, during this time, and to keep you "strong"--LOL. All of us need to do this, anyway.
Sorry j, but I don't remember if you are going to alanon? Those on the board can certainly recommend the best materials for you to study. Just ask us....
If you are scared of backsliding prematurely---maybe you should reconsider limits on time spent in intimate environments. Dude--you are tempting fate spending alone time with "the high school cheerleader" I am not a guy, but I am just saying.......
dandylion