I just wanted to send you my love and prayers for the future.
I, too, lived with an alcoholic Father. He was prone to incoherent rages and we would come home from school to find him threatening or attempting suicide on numerous occasions. I was seriously scared for his safety and my own. It was a traumatic existence and I can totally understand your pain, fear, hurt and feelings of bewilderment.
Your Dad is very ill. As hard as it is, try and remember that those aren't his real feelings, he is lost to his alcoholism. Don't allow yourself to believe the words he is saying to you.
Please make sure that you have support. Friends, other family members, professional help. Anyone who can listen to the way you're feeling and help you through this time.
You are obviously a very caring loving person and I wish you the very best at this dreadful time xx