Thanks Tuffgirl.
That is one thing I learned, go slow, one day at a time, count my blessings, find joy in the little things.
I do have my ace in the hole, I am legally separated (which in my state is 99% divorced as far as money and finances are concerned), which means that whether she gets better or not, the really hard part is over! I feel much more freedom to speak freely in my own self interest -- and less responsible for her and her problems.
I can't imagine getting "remarried" or "undoing" the legal separation, no freaking way. But having a relationship and being together, maybe?