I can totally relate to everything you've said. I was a closet drinker too and have fobbed my other half off with telling him I was tired or my thyroid tablet dose was incorrect etc. I've ruined many a good night/day out in the past because of my 'thyroid problem' alias wine!!
I have rejoined S.R for the second and last time and I am now nearing the end of day 4, determined to be strong and honest with myself this time. I'm going to beat this.
My poor husband was also in the dark until recently when he actually caught me!! I think it was a case of 'those closest to you are always the last to know'.
I am full of shame for what I've done to him and my family and of course myself. I don't want that guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach any more.
You can do this. Keep posting and be honest with yourself.
Lots of love
Gxxx