I know it's hard to imagine a life without alcohol right now. I felt the same way, that my drinking time was the one bright spot in my day. Of course, drinking (the hangovers, cravings, depression, anxiety etc.) was also the reason the rest of the day was difficult.
The problem is that we're not really solving anything - when the buzz has worn off, we're no happier than when we started. Whatever "fix" we got from alcohol without continues to elude us from within. In a way, it handicaps us because now we feel like we need it to be happy, so we don't really enjoy anything without it.
Happiness/fun in sobriety is different - more like that feeling you had on day 3 where you were really proud of yourself - but it really does get better and better. I know you're worried about the golf thing, but just try to focus on what you can do today. Sending prayers and hugs.....
