You know c4g I was pretending to be asleep this morning in the vague hope that my 15 month old would go back to sleep. She was poking me in the face muttering "mama"and I was trying not to laugh. It hit me how I woke every single morning for so long...filled with nausea and regret. How crazy it was. I wanted SO BADLY to keep alcohol in my life. So much to be able to drink and get responsibly ********* (
).
The problem with repeated relapse is that your alcoholic self may take solace in that. I treated them like a great loophole. "I've quit plenty of times! I'll just quit again tomorrow morning!". But then I didn't give myself enough sober time to really establish a new life. Really develop new coping tools. Really gain the trust of my husband and children.
I used AVRT/rational recovery and got the surrender was very sweet. To just be DONE, forever, with alcohol. Accept fully that even if I COULD drink like a normal person, I would feel dissatisfied. 2 drinks make me want 10. Always have, always will. OTOH, a run and a glass of lemonade with my husband on the deck? That makes me feel great! Very relaxed. Burt I didn't know that until I lived it.
