I need to get sober but can't
Hey
I'm 28 and have been in/out of recovery since I was in high school. I've had years at a time sober with AA but picked up about 1 year ago after failing to attend to meetings for several months. When I was younger, drugs were my problem and alcohol was sort of in the background. Currently, I am only drinking and can not stop.
I wake up hungover promising myself I will not drink again yet I go to bed every night intoxicated, wishing I were sober. At about 5-6pm the hangover has worn off and I cannot stop myself from drinking again. Everyday. Same routine. For a year now.
Because of my history, many of my friends are in some form of recovery. I have been lying to all of them. My family thinks I am still sober. Also lying there. I feel horrible. I'm tired of lying. Tired of feeling like garbage. I just want to be sober and OK again.
Anyone have suggestions? I'm getting desperate. Having been through this many times before, I know I will eventually hit some bottom again (an arrest, job loss, family problems, etc.) I want to get clean BEFORE something like this happens. Help =(