[QUOTE=pauladmits;3542841]
And yesterday I completely broke and actually drank during the day. The sad part is I knew before I broke that I'm slipping a bit and needed to come back to this site, so I drank yesterday knowing full well I was going to come back here. It was like I wanted to get as much alcohol in my system before I started. That kind of rationale amazes me. I always think I'm a semi-smart dude, but I make decisions that only an idiot can make. Pounding as much alcohol as possible before you decide to "quit" is insane.
Paul, I completely get this. Let me share with you what I did the very last night before I made my final commitment to sobriety...
It was New Year's Eve, 2011...I decided I was ready to become sober and start my Day 1 the following day, Jan 1st. But before I did...
I went to the liquor store and prepared for my "Last Supper", so to speak. I had been drinking wine (I had switched off from my poison of choice, beer, to try and taper off in the months prior), so I went in to purchase some for my last glorious night of drinking. Did I buy a 750? No. A 1.5 liter? No. I bought a friggin 5 liter BOX of the cheap stuff!!! I had such a hard time "saying goodbye" that I actually cried my heart out when the clock turned 12 midnight and I hadn't finished the box!!!
I told my husband I didn't know what to do...I still had all this wine left but it was time to stop...He took such pity on me that he told me not to worry about it, just wait to quit until I had finished the box.
It was at that moment that I realized how ridiculous I was being...and I threw the rest of the box in the trash.
Thankfully, I will be sober eight months on August 1st. Regrets?? Not a one!
As Dee mentioned, you really need to absolutely decide which side of the fence you are on, and then take action.
You can do this Paul, and it is so very worth it!