Welcome back Paul.
I think I started to get somewhere when I realised that no matter whether I was drinking all day everyday, or managing to drink a glass or two to take the edge off I was still in the same cycle.
We need to make changes - real changes - to get out of the cycle.
Talking things through is great - and you're very open - thats good too...
but I think to get anywhere we need to add some action to that too.
There's a lot of good advice here. Seeing your Dr would be better than drinking again to feel better...I also hope you'll consider other methods of support and recovery besides SR as well....whether it's a recovery group, counselling or some kind of lifestyle changes.
You've been battling this for a while now.
Stack the deck for the outcome you know which is best for you.
The way to beat your ambivalence is to decide, once and for all, which side of the fence you're on... if you can't quite decide right now, act as if you have
D