I can't seem to tell if he really means it when he says "i ******* hate heroin i never want to touch that **** again, it ruined my life, its so ******* disgusting." The conversation we had made me tear up. I wonder if he really does want to change his life? He always tells me how much he hates heroin and wishes he could stop. Maybe he just is afraid?
Maybe he does mean it. Maybe he's full of it. But what I do know is what he says really is irrelevant. It's going to be his actions over time that matter.
Impurrfect's response to your post hits the nail squarely on the head, in my view. And now, it's time you take care of you. You've let go of trying to impact him, he's in the hands of God now, and now you need to heal. I encourage you to find a local Al Anon/Nar Anon meeting, share your experiences, and allow others to comfort you. Go in with your mind, ears and eyes open. You can, and will, get through this...so long as you put your recovery first.
Best,
ZoSo