Hi mamabear, welcome, so glad you found us.
Pelican has given you a great starting point.
Maybe time to get educated about alcoholism , read around the forum, it was a tremendous help to me to begin to understand the alcoholic brain.
There is a way out, so many of us here have worked our way through the emotions and despartation we feel when under tremendous stress and chaos that you are now and have been experiencing.
We are here, please keep posting. Love to you and yours Katie