"Oh no, honey, but thanks. I can't have Tylenol products anymore. I've taken so much TylenolPM over the years that it's hurting my liver, so the doctor said I can't take anymore." I really, really wanted to say this out loud, but I just nodded my head instead: "No, mom. It's all the alcohol and the pills you've washed down with it over the decades that hurt your liver."
"I don't have to stay with you guys while I'm there. I think I should re-book my room at the Navy Lodge, so that I'm not putting you out. Just bring the kids to me to stay the night." This was said the same day she was arriving to be here for our wedding back in June. She was so pissed that I made her stay with us during the visit. It required forfeiting any privacy where luggage was concerned, and she wasn't allowed to go anywhere by herself the whole week.
"I can't help it, I'm an alcoholic." My mother is one of those people who throws the phrase around like a neon sign that screams, "Pity me! I'm sick and helpless, so I can't possibly take responsibility for anything that I say or do!" Yeah, it's great.