Where do I begin?
I'm very new here. I've been reading through threads and stickies, but nothing is quite touching where I feel am at in life.
Background:
My husband and I have been together for 8 years. We have 3 children (6,4, and 7 months). We met working in a bar, so drinking and partying were a part of life. When we got pregnant with our first I quit my job as a bartender and he stayed on. We moved in together and I got my first taste of how much and often he can drink. He immediately got a "real" job and I thought he was just in a partying stage and when the baby comes he'll snap out of it. He is what I've read on here is a functioning alcoholic? He's kept a steady job, he doesn't drink in the day. But he drinks every night. At least a 12 pack. He claims he's a big guy so that's why he can handle so much beer. But over the last month the 12 packs have turned into cases. We usually cycle through this out of control stage for a while and then I will snap threaten to leave and he will clean up his act for a bit. He has never been abusive. I've probably only "seen" him sloppy a handful of times. I quoted seen because he drinks at night long after I've gone to bed.
When I was pregnant with our third child, I was very very sick with something called hyperemsis gravidarum. I was rendered useless for the entire 9 months and my husband really stepped up to the plate. I myself and recovering from ptsd from the HG and I know I'm not the easier person to live with right now. I also have a terrible fear of ever being pregnant again and my attempts at birth control have been wrought with their own obstacles contributing to my ptsd. Which has led to a fear of sex. All of these things plus our 2 older children who are also recovering from the trauma of mommy being in and out of the hospital have created a very stressful living environment. My husband claims this is what is causing him to drink so much. No one knows the extent of how much he drinks because he is "the fun guy" and the "good dad". While I secretly sit here alone with no one to talk to about this. I don't want to repeat the cycle. I want the cycles to end. But I don't even know where to start. Please help me....