Originally Posted by
lizatola 
Thank you for caring. Yet, you obviously know from being on these boards that sometimes us codies need our own bottom and I guess I haven't hit mine. AH and I will be attending marriage counseling soon and I am doing it to show that I am making that last effort on my part to repair what is probably irreparably broken. I know it's probably futile and that he's deep in his own denial. I am trying slowly to come out of mine.
I have my own cash that I'm setting aside. I'm looking for part time work. I'm getting back to the gym and taking care of myself physically. I'm committing to more Al Anon meetings a week, etc. This is a major process for me. Undoing 20 years of behaviors that are ingrained in my psyche. It didn't happen overnight and getting myself back will not happen overnight either.
As for the stupid card that he set up, it came in the mail yesterday. He told me Friday that he didn't set up any credit that I should know about and the card just came in the mail. Umm, why lie about something so stupid like that? As a good friend of mine in AA likes to say, "I was an alcoholic and if my lips were moving, I was lying." That's the hardest part of the disease for me to accept because I take it way too personal!
I also seem to remember you mentioning failed marriage counseling before, or something like that. It won't work until he's no longer drinking, and is thinking more clearly, which is easily a year down the road AFTER he's found sobriety. YOU cannot fix this marriage. YOU cannot fix his drinking problem. YOU cannot make this better. You need to stop thinking only about what you are doing to try to fix it, and focus on your children and doing what's best for everyone. Believe me, I've spent my entire life with an alcoholic mother, and it really didn't take too long to realize that nothing I did would make a lick of difference. They have to want to help themselves. You can keep trying to do all these things, but none of it will change your A and their thinking. Get yourself and the kids into a safe, healthy place, and let your A figure out their end for themselves. Best wishes and good luck!