s19m73, you might want to start a new post on the Families and Friends Forum on this Sober Recovery site. On the upper left on the page, you'll see a list - just click Forums and you'll find the link to Families and Friends.
I think most people come to the STEPS forum when they actually want to focus on one of the Alanon steps. The Families and Friends is for open, more general topics, and lots of people will read and respond each day.
So sorry for the grief that you are going through.
BothSidesNow