Morning!
I am rebuilding my relationship with my hubby too and read something yesterday in the Al-Anon One Day at a Time book that I thought you might find helpful.
Here it is..
SOme of us had a long list of grievances against the alcoholic, especially while the drinking was still active. The worst possible thing we can do is to remember them, dwell on them, and polish up our halos or martyrdom. The very best we can do is to erase them from memory, so each new day becomes an opprtunity to make things better.
It is not my assignment to keep an inventory of my spouse's faults and misbehaviors. My task is to watch for my own and root them out, so that what I say and do will help make things better for me and my family.
I am not saying that you are not entitled to your feelings and should not address things that have happened in the past (while he was active) but that I too held on to some of those memories that do not apply to me today. My hubby has changed in the past year and does not behave or act anything like he did during his active days. I find to keep re living them has no purpose for me today.
I hope things work out for you and your hubby and you relationship is restored to what works for you guys. Wishing you a happy and healthy future.