SundayGirl2012

I'm peeved with myself for believing, even just a tiny bit, that ABF might do as he promised. It's like I can remember the person he used to be - and sometimes he acts like that person again and I slip into thinking that he'll do what he says he'll do. Occasionally, he does do what he says he'll do. Which is not helping with my confusion levels.

Two weeks ago, after a mega-binge, I told ABF he has to move out of my flat. I've had a taster of what it will be like when he's moved out because this week ABF has temporarily moved back to the house he used to share with his wife. His wife now shares the house with her boyfriend but they're on holiday so ABF is pet-sitting.

I thought it would be lonely - and occasionally it has been. But also liberating and calm. I really don't want him back here.

On Friday evening, I went out with a couple of friends for my birthday and I invited ABF. I didn't tell him the location until I'd spoken to him on the phone an hour before we were due to meet, to check that he was sober enough to behave like a normal person. (Incidentally, this has been a regular habit of mine for the last year or so - which I now realise is not a normal way to treat your SO). Anyway, he was sober, he got told the location, he turned up and behaved like a gentleman - talked to everyone, was pleasant and friendly, brought a card and a gift and drank only what the rest of us drank before saying goodnight and heading home. He later texted to thank me for the invitation and compliment my appearance. So, all fine.

On Saturday, we spoke by phone and he suggested we take a day trip on Sunday - he would drive and we'll make the most of the pleasant weather. Of course, that hasn't happened - and it's my fault because I'm such a "cruel, heartless cow". His texts have really pushed my buttons - he's been charming, doleful, critical, pleading, loving, melancholy, aggressive, reasonable, calm, threatening - everything by turns. I feel like I want to copy out all his text messages so you can reassure me that he's not behaving rationally.

I could suggest a couple of reasons why he's behaving like this:
1. Going for a whole day while staying under the drink drive limit is too challenging;
2. The gentlemanly behaviour was simply a ruse so I'd let him move back in. One of his texts to me this morning asked if he could sleep on the couch while he found somewhere else. I said no. (I value my new-found peace) After that, his texts became particularly vindictive - and also a bit bizarre, claiming to be in two places at once for example.

I know this isn't an original story - versions of this sequence of events are pasted all over this forum. When he behaves like a drunk, it's easier for me to conclude that he's a drunk and I should stop communicating with him. But he also behaves like the person he used to be sometimes, and not like a drunk, so I get confused. I guess I need to remember that he's always a drunk - and I should always treat him like a drunk.

I feel like I'm back at square one, of feeling very confused and hurt - as if the relatively peaceful week I've just had, which included 2 Al Anon meetings and lots of related reading, never happened. All this emotional upheaval and I never even saw or spoke to the ABF, just read a few text messages. I thought I was an intelligent, rational person - how on earth did I get to this position where he has the power to scramble my thoughts from a distance with just a few texted words?

I'm going to head out for a while, to walk in the sunshine and reflect on what I can do differently in future. I'm going to find a nice neighbourhood cafe in which to read the weekend papers. I'm going to check in with some friends. And I'm going to be grateful that at least I didn't get so confused, I agreed to him moving back in again!

SG
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