Jiminy Crickets!
About a year ago when I was making a go at becoming sober, I struck up an email correspondence with someone who showed up long enough to post a few desperate "I have to stop this nonsense" messages. Unlike some other folks on the board, I believed he was serious, so reached out to him. We've continued to communicate sporadically, but it seemed that if I wasn't drinking, he was, and vice versa.
So we recently started emailing again and he told me he has not been drinking and phrased much of his message in RR language, which I didn't recognize when he used it prior, but of course it's plain to me now. And we talked a bit back and forth about RR, and here's the last of what I just sent:
When you were drinking and desperately sad, I didn't like it. Frankly, it sounded like a lot of hand-wringing crap. And that bothered me because I thought "how much of a hypocrite can you be, Obladi? You're doing the same damned thing and how would you feel about it if someone was looking at you through the same lens?" I just this moment figured this part out: I think that my beast had great disdain for yours so that she could protect herself. (My beast is a female.) She thought, "Look at that pitiful thing. He is so miserable. Good thing we're not like him. At least WE have some control and are not that bad off." Not only is the beast a bitch, she's a nasty sniping soulless wicked bitch. WOW. Writing that out makes it even more clear to me.
p.s. I am totally TOTALLY digging this watching my language thing. Not only as in "be mindful of what you say to yourself," but also '"listen to what you just said."
I just re-read the start of that last paragraph and look what I said! Instead of saying I didn't like you... you sounded like you were full of crap, I said I didn't like it - it was full of crap!
Had no idea that was my phrasing until I read it again. (I wanted to be sure I said what I meant without being nasty.) Holy s***, Batman. I think I'm getting the hang of this.
Wow, indeed.
