I haven't read this whole thread, so please keep that in mind, but I think it is important to ask yourself about your values and why you would choose to be with someone who has such different values than yours.
I would also ask the same question about getting your needs met - if you know the person cannot or will not meet your needs, why would you bang your head against the wall and expect a dog to act like a cat? It seems that expectations are part of the problem. If he is acting consistently the way he acts and you are consistently hurt by the way he acts, the problem is in your court.