Recovery for me has been about choices and space. I have options now that I did not even know I had. I did not tell the truth, especially to myself. I believed I never had choices, that I had only one way to act or be or do. That is what I learned growing up. That putting on a happy face was important, making others around you happy important etc.
I guess I did lie, but it is only apparent to me know when I realized that I had other options I had just taken the path of self-deception for so long that it was hard to realize there was another way.