I hate to say it but I think it is because they are completely self absorbed. They will do anything it takes to not feel pain, whether its the drink or having an affair, pornography, whatever it is, they simply do not want to feel. I don't even think they mean to hurt us, it is just the way they cope with reality and quite frankly they can't. I almost wonder if they have emotions? Then I think about all the times he said he loved me etc, was it real?? ARe they capable of having feelings at all, it freaks me out if i think about it too much. Because when i said i loved him I MEANT it and to think that he didn't, really hurts.