Robby, I think you are being very gentle and I appreciate it. You are correct that It challenges me and wants me to question/doubt/fear who "I" am. I yam who I yam and SHE can go jump in a lake.
Fresh, you nailed it.
So here's the next thing. I know AVRT cares not a whit about where these addictive tendencies originated, but I care. And I think I have just deciphered that after many many MANY years of trying. Is there harm or danger in naming what "it" was that aroused the Beast?