Not anymore. I did for a long time until I discovered alanon. There are no F2F meetings where I live, but this forum, books, and PMs have helped me so much. I was still in denial for about a year but slowly I began to see ¨the truth¨(realizing that I had bought into this negative self-image that although was partly true at the time, I could change things to make myself better.) And that's what I've been doing - making my life better for me. I know I still and always will have faults, but I'm finally able to see things clearly and not believe the lies I'm fed.