Originally Posted by newnormal4me

while still living with my AH?

I am working towards a legal separation, waiting for the papers to be drawn up. Yet (I hate to admit this), I'm not sure I'll have the strength to go through with it when the time comes, which will be sooner than I expect.

Nearly 20 years together - it's crippling to think of moving on. I wish so bad he would seek recovery, but he has no interest in it. So I am here, due to circumstances, waiting, and wondering if I can do this.

Then, all the while knowing that I have to work on me and get better. I find myself constantly distracted by what he is doing day in and day out. Somedays I do great - I can detach from it for the most part (which I guess is progress!). But I hate that I get sucked into trying to control or change things still. I had a relapse today, and it had an UGLY outcome!

Can I say I am really doing this? Can I do this with him here right now? I want to so bad!!!

Any ideas on what I can do to truly focus on this step for real? At Celebrate Recovery last night we had a step 4 indepth study. I knew immediately that I am no where near ready for that. I'm still fighting through step 1. Ahhhh...